Lost Heaven
by cheriper
Summary: It wasn't her pretty face that he saw when he opened his eyes. It wasn't her flawless cheek that his hand caressed. It wasn't her, and he knew it, because he chose him, not her.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I do, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction and just be done with it.

Summary: It wasn't her pretty face that he saw when he opened his eyes. It wasn't her flawless cheek that his hand caressed. It wasn't her, and he knew it, because he chose him, not her.

**Lost Heaven**

_...we're letting go of something _

_we never had..._

From a distance, he saw her walk from the Yamanaka Flower Shop towards the direction of the Hokage Tower. Every Wednesday and Friday, he knew that she would always go to these two places. He never get it though.

After five hours, she would go out of the Hokage Tower to go to the Nara's. Sometimes, he would get the urge to intercept the girl but he didn't know why he would do it. He always feel the need to stop her from going to Shikamaru's place, but always, always not do anything about it.

On other days, she would train for countless hours on the old training fields. There were only a few ninjas who use that place. Perhaps she thought it was more convenient for her, but he always know that she goes there to train not because of convenience, but because of other reasons.

Other reasons that clearly spelled his name.

Before, at least before the day Team 7 ceased to exist, he would've thought selfishly about it. That it was because of him and of his effect to her. He would think that Sakura was thinking about him, how to make her feelings for him stop, because he wasn't going to reciprocate them anytime.

But now, only half of that reason holds still. It was still because of him, it was still to keep her sanity intact, but not because he doesn't love her the way she loves him.

She knew it was time for her to move on.

Because he already made a choice, and between the girl who would offer her soul to him and the one who almost died to get him back from the clutches of Hell, he chose his best friend.

It was the last day Team 7 trained together.

Vaguely, he remembered that he had never seen Sakura step into the Ichiraku ever since that day. Of course he couldn't blame her. She would most definitely keep away from them, because on contrary to what people usually think, Sasuke do know a little something about emotions.

Most of the time, he would think to himself what brought him to that conclusion. Of course, it made sense to pick the person closest to your heart. Naruto had always been the one to bring out such strong effects on him than any other person in this world. It was Naruto who taught him how to accept people into his life. It was the blonde idiot who taught him to take risks. Naruto changed him ever since Team 7 was born.

And when he compares Sakura to Naruto, Naruto always wins out in the end.

Sakura didn't teach him anything. In his whole life, he would always end up saving Sakura. She was annoying, and crazy. But one thing that would forever bug him is how she came to love him, as what she claimed to feel.

But sometimes, he would remember the night he left Konoha. He would remember the sadness, the _pain_ in her voice. It sounded like he could kill her just by stepping outside the village. It was so ridiculous at that time.

Then when he came back, it was her who healed him. She never stayed away from his side for almost a week, just like when they were genins. She would always talk to him, about how people were when he left, who died and how painful it was for them all. She would talk incessantly, and somehow, from their one-sided conversations, he figured out that the girl beside his bed was not the same innocent girl who he left on the bench five years ago.

Suddenly, he felt like he failed her because he was supposed to save her. Save her innocence and always make sure she remains pure and untainted.

The week after he was released, Sakura hesitantly talked to him, telling him that she was going away for a mission. He just grunted at her, because he had no idea that Haruno Sakura already mastered going out on solo A-rank missions, missions that always involve the words assassination and death.

When she was away, it was Naruto who started to talk to him. From the beginning of their relationship as friends, he was forever grateful for Naruto. If not for him, he would never reach his goal. Because it was their rivalry who propelled him to do the things he did. So if you do the math, it was really Naruto who inspired him to continue to fight.

The day before Sakura arrived home, Naruto and Sasuke were at Team 7's bridge. Naruto kept talking unitl he noticed Sasuke was staring unconsciously at the West Gate. Naruto didn't think anything about it because he just continued talking.

"I am happy, that you are back here again."

From that day on, even as Sakura arrived home, there was something peculiar about Naruto. He never thought anything out of his unusual behavior, because he was always unusual. Most of the time, he would catch Naruto looking at him. It wasn't just some normal looking. It was almost like Naruto was looking at him with a little sadness and loneliness.

He didn't get it, until he overheard Naruto and Sakura talking to each other.

The two idiots were talking on the training grounds, perhaps after a training session, basing from how dirty and muddy they both are. From the looks of them, they were both tired but they continued standing. From his point of view, he could see both of them facing each other.

Sakura was looking at her feet, holding herself with a sad emotion playing at her face. Almost grudgingly, he remembered the night he left this girl on cold bench.

It was Naruto who was talking, and when he stopped a good distance away from them, he heard him say: "He is the most important person in our lives. I... Sakura-chan, Sasuke's as important to me as he is to you."

With that statement, he saw Naruto look at Sakura with a strong emotion in his face, the one who usually wears when he wants to learn a new technique and is very confident that he could master it even when the odds say otherwise.

He knew then, it was more than just him, and them being _friends_ with him.

When he walked towards them, and they started to feel his presence, Sakura was almost at her breaking point and Naruto didn't know what to do.

And the bastard that he was, he just drove a wedge between his two friends, even when he knew that Sakura and Naruto grew closer to each other when he was away, by walking to Naruto's side before flicking his forehead with his index finger. "Dobe."

That was all he did, but it was enough for the three of them to know that Sasuke chose Naruto.

Sometimes when they would make love, he would always see her face, at the back of his mind. He would always expect that face between his hands were hers.

But it wasn't her pretty face that he saw when he opened his eyes. It wasn't her flawless cheek that his hand would caress. Sometimes, his mind would expect his eyes to see green orbs, instead of blue, when he breaks off his kiss in need of air. Sometimes, his hands will feel slight stubble upon the chin area, and wonder how the hell did she grow stubble, and then he'd stop his train of thought and, just start to kiss him harder, to drive away thoughts of her when he was already with someone else.

It was very much confusing, as to why this happens. He knew that without Naruto, he wouldn't be the person he is today. And it confused him to bo end why he would always end up thinking about Sakura.

Perhaps it was the guilt. The guilt because of his childhood orientation of being Sakura's savior. And this time, it was him who caused her pain.

He thought before, when people make love to the one person that they love truly, they would feel ecstatic and blissful. Because they are with someone who would, theoretically, complete them. But how was it, that when he and Naruto share the passion of making love, he would always feel like he was doing something wrong.

As Sakura exited the Hokage Tower, he was surprised to see Shikamaru walking with her. Carefully, he hid his chakra and started following them.

They were going to the direction of his house, and the way they were walking close to each other was a bit discomforting to him. It was too close. Occasionally, his hands would brush hers. Two blocks away from Shikamaru's house, Sasuke was surprised when the deer-boy held her hand, and locked their fingers together. And Sakura did not show any signs that she was uncomfortable with what Shikamaru did.

Before turning to a corner, Shikamaru halted, surprising Sakura enough to send her bewildered when Shikamaru pressed her to a wall before he kissed her.

Sasuke was utterly shocked as he saw the event unfold. After a few moments, Sakura closed her eyes, and returned the affection.

For a few moments, he stopped there. His heart was racing, and he , for the first time in his life, didn't know what to do. It felt like he was losing someone, but he knew Sakura was never his.

He made that decision. He chose him, not her. And somehow, he thinks that, that may have been his greatest mistake ever.

Sakura did not teach him anything he could think about, because she just grew on him. She was always there, and it was meant to be that way forever. But he screwed it up. He changed everything. He was supposed to save her, and she was supposed to be there. The constant thing he have in his life. The only thing he has.

Supposedly.

Until he had to be rational about things, and be an idiot in the process.

When his brain started to function, and when he knew it was time to let her go, just like what she did when he chose Naruto, he started walking away.

He was long gone when the couple stopped their liplock for air, enough for Sakura to touch Shikamaru's cheek. Sasuke was not there to hear what Sakura had to tell Shikamaru,with tears flowing, "I could still see him, at the back of my mind. I'm sorry."

'_Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay…_

Author's Note: I wrote this story, not because I am turning into a SasuNaru fan. (Obviously.) This was actually made because a friend of mine was as much as a SasuNaru fan as I am a SasuSaku fan. She told me, there was a little something posted in the net, a summary of the Naruto Saga so far, and it was allegedly made by Kishimoto himself. It wasn't much of a big deal, until she told me what the cover was. Okay, it was Sasuke and Naruto kissing. (Please tell me if you know something about this.)

Anywho, that was what propelled me to write this. I was thinking, that if ever things went that way, you know, slash and all, I was thinking Sakura would die. But I thought about it, and suddenly, I felt like Sasuke should feel the lost, not Sakura. :D

PS.

I think, in my story, haha, they are both stupid. Sasuke thought that the more apparent one was the one he should choose. But it doesn't come a surprise, because he was always the more logical one. Sakura, on the otherhand, was too loving. She gave up easily because she believes in Sasuke's decision and didn't think about her own happiness in the process.

I dunno.

Tell me what you think about this one.


End file.
